Click above to buy this Groupon for February 13 in Mt. Pleasant. Buy here for January 24 in Chinatown.

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Your chances of being kidnapped exponentially rise with your ever-increasing awesomeness. Today's Groupon punches super-villains right between their lasery, misunderstood eyes: for $39, you get three intense hours of self-defense training from DC IMPACT Self Defense, a $79 value. Choose between a session on Sunday, January 24, in Chinatown or a session on Saturday, February 13, at Bancroft Elementary in Mount Pleasant. Both sessions are from 1–4 p.m.

Your Intro to IMPACT class will teach you the basics of self-defense with simple and effective techniques for staying alive. You'll learn how to operate under pressure and protect yourself in dangerous situations with both verbal and physical strategies. As part of your three-hour session, you'll participate in simulated attack scenarios with a male instructor in padded gear.

Classes are for women, men, and teens 16 and older (with guardian permission).

Reviews

Washington Post Express has featured DC IMPACT, saying:

• The courses cover prevention, awareness, assertiveness, verbal self-defense and physical self-defense. Students who have completed the training often say the experience was life-changing. – D. G. Kaplan

Also, check out the self-defense studio on CNN and YouTube. Here's what one YouTuber says:

• …definately [sic] feel stronger and more confident. – noname2149