Keeping teeth clean and white is the first and only step in coping with the fact that your skeleton is slowly escaping from your body through your mouth. Deal with it with today's Groupon: for $129, you get an in-office teeth-whitening session at The Dental Gallery in Jamesville (a $400 value).

The Dental Gallery's Dr. Kurt D'Amico and his certified crew of teeth cleaners heal and whiten chompers of all ages. During the 90-minute in-office treatment, a skilled oral-hygiene guru will slather up to three applications of a 37.5% peroxide solution on each tooth in the patient's smile. Every hand-picked pearly will be isolated from the rest of its chomping pals to ensure that bleach doesn’t penetrate surrounding mouthparts. This safe, non-invasive treatment can whitewash protruding mouthbones stained by medication, smoking, red wine, or all-beet diets, resulting in teeth that sparkle up to four shades brighter. Today's deal would make a good holiday gift.

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