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Today’s Groupon wipes out four hours worth of trifles, menial tasks, and complicated toils with a personal assistant from Lambent Services. Lambent is a personal-assistant agency that staffs an elite group of intelligent, motivated, and personable individuals, ready to work with busy people to free them from life’s quotidian minutiae and onuses.
Many of Lambent’s assistants are college graduates (some Ivy League), who are sharp enough to organize your schedule, brainstorm with you about projects, do your taxes, and plan tax-schedule presentations around Jai-Alai matches. The assistant selection process is designed to make perfect matches; Lambent talks with you to help you figure out what you need from an assistant, then gives you files with photos, resumes, and personal statements from several potential assistants. You choose whomever you think will work the best. If the first assistant goes bad, Lambent will provide you with a new one. The company’s philosophy is that people have limitless potential, and it can be reached by working together.
Nowadays, people’s lives are stuffed with rewardsome friends, family, and work, so they have less time to spend on trivial grinds such as picking up dry cleaning, buying gifts, returning clothes, and outpatient surgery. If you’ve ever wondered why famous people use personal assistants, you must not be using your imagination to imagine why famous people use personal assistants:
- While your personal assistant is cooking you an 18-course meal based on Anthony Bourdain’s dreams, you could be toasting a cherry Pop-Tart over a bedroom fire.
- During the time it takes your personal assistant to repeatedly stow and unstow items that need regular room rotation, you can move to Jamaica or build an exact replica of the Alamo with Lincoln Logs.
- At the peak of the hectic holiday card–sending season, make your personal assistant write your significant other incredibly loving love letters or carve a stamp out of organic rubber that loosely resembles your signature.
The tasks you dread the most—such as organizing personal finance, buying new pants, and establishing alibis—can all be done by a personal assistant, while you pursue your true calling: committing pants-related finance crimes.
Lambent Services has been featured in the New York Post and on Fox 5 News, and was mentioned in CNN Money: > * The must-have accessory of the year, even for (or especially for) those who don’t walk the red carpet, is the personal assistant. Oh, they’re sometimes called “interns” on Craigslist, but whatever the term, you know the drill - glorified gofers: someone to fetch your laundry, walk your dog, answer your calls. Once, they only schlepped for stars. Now, having a job as a first-year trader gives you enough clout and money to hire your own personal lackey. It’s gotten so common that Harvard graduate Jill Glist has started an agency with a different kind of assistance in mind. Forget about picking up your laundry; at Glist’s Lambent Services, her employees pick up your life. – Marina Vataj, New York Post > * Personal staffers used to be the kind of luxury that was afforded only to members of the loftiest social strata. But these days, more and more busy, successful individuals are deciding that making dinner reservations themselves is simply more of a burden than they can bear. – Jessica Dickler, CNN Money
The Limits of Limitless
Lambent Services’ philosophy is that each person has limitless potential, and that this limitless potential can be reached by working together. But this creates a paradox: Supposing that a person’s potential is infinite, how can that potential ever be reached? If human potential has no limit, then no matter the potential you have reached, there is always greater potential you have not reached. In fact, if human potential is truly limitless, then it is impossible to reach any more than an insignificant fraction of your potential, since your potential-potential stretches infinitely beyond the potential you have already achieved.
That said, don’t limit your children’s potential with a list of children’s books that teach bad habits:
- The Berenstain Bears Rifle Through the Medicine Cabinet
- Sniffly, The Tractor Who Cussed
- 1, 2, Something, 4
- The Adventures of Grammar C. Otter, The Otter Whom Taught Grammar
30 E 20th St
New York, New York 10003Get Directions