As with a potato, if the human body is not properly mashed and moisturized, it will never be used for anything more than a science-project battery. Make sure your body is properly fluffed and buttered with today's soothing Groupon to Let Me Pamper U. Choose from the following options:
- For $37, you get one 60-minute Swedish massage (a $75 value).
- For $69, you get two 60-minute Swedish massages (a $150 value).
- For $99, you get three 60-minute Swedish massages (a $225 value).
The licensed massage therapists at Let Me Pamper U keep torsos lithe and limber with the relaxing strokes of a Swedish massage. Using a mixture of oils and lotions, stress-eradicating staffers glide hands over dorsal extremities to work out muscles' knots and rag dolls' tightly wound braids. A combination of rolling motions, pressured kneads, and percussive chops breaks up painful fiber adhesions, and the resulting increase in circulation enhances the mental and physical relaxation. Get one massage for a single-serving dose of dozing, or grab the two- or three-pack to hold onto the promise of tranquility for the foreseeable, non-post-apocalyptic future.