Language separates us from the animals, just as Funyuns separate us from our dignity. Dictate the terms of your surrender to the ultimate onion-flavored corn snack in the language of your choice with today's Groupon: for $65, you get a four-week language course at Linguapalooza in Dublin (up to a $170 value).

Linguapalooza imparts linguistic knowledge to eager students of all skill levels with classes in 10 different languages, including ESL and American Sign Language. Led by experienced instructors with more than a century of combined experience, the 90-minute weekly classes ($20–$25 an hour) are limited to a maximum of eight students, ensuring that each student receives individualized attention during each consonantal trill, vibrant glottal stop, and über-excited umlaut.

Language learners can hone preexisting skills or absorb the basics before traveling abroad with beginner and intermediate courses selected from the academy’s flexible seven-day schedule; classes by appointment are also available for those with unpredictable croquet matches. Additionally, all course materials (a $20 value) are included in today’s deal, eliminating the need to hypnotize a current student into giving you hers.