Household grime, if left unchecked, will inevitably develop into miniature civilizations whose complex network of treaties erupts into a devastating house-wide reenactment of World War I. Skip the trouble of tripping over tiny trenches with today's Groupon to Local Green Maid, with service to Hudson and Bergen counties. Choose from the following options:

• For $39, you get two hours of green cleaning (a $70 value).
• For $49, you get three hours of green cleaning (a $105 value).
• For $59, you get four hours of green cleaning (a $140 value).
  
  

Local Green Maid purifies homes and protects the environment with detailed cleaning services using nontoxic cleaning solutions and HEPA-filter vacuums. During green cleaning, a squad of uniformed polishing pros takes over dirty domiciles, using their training from the Green Clean Institute to expel dirt and grime. All of their eco-friendly products are both nontoxic and biodegradable, and are free of harsh chemicals, fumes, temperamental parsnips, and other volatile organic compounds. Two hours of cleaning will usually cover a kitchen and bathroom, three hours typically exhilarate an entire one-bedroom apartment with one bathroom, and four hours can cover a two-bedroom apartment with two bathrooms, provided they aren't super chatty.

Local Green Maid uses color-coded cloths when cleaning, ensuring that rags from the bathroom never cross-contaminate other rooms, such as the kitchen or the bedroom. If any area of cleaning does not measure up to the owner's standards, Local Green Maid's 24-hour guarantee ensures the team will return to vengefully thwart any dirt that escaped their initial scouring.