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What You'll Get
Jump to: Reviews | Acupuncture Dream Clients
Ease pain, release tension, and get your qi moving with today's Groupon: $40 for consultation and a one-hour standard acupuncture session or one acupuncture treatment designed to help you relieve chronic pain at Longevity Health Center, a $100 value. By stimulating pressure points in the body, acupuncture can treat or reduce symptoms of immune-system disorders, allergies, anxiety, skin conditions, pain, depression, digestive disorders, fatigue, butterfingers, diver's remorse, and more without the use of drugs or invasive surgery. If you, someone you know, or someone you don't know but have seen on a billboard is a smoker looking to quit the habit, acupuncture may help curb that desire.
Your one-hour session begins with a 10-minute consultation with acupuncturist Alice Honican, L.Ac. to assess your general health, discuss any problems or pain, and determine what issues you'd like to focus on during treatment. Acupuncture corrects imbalances in the body by targeting the channels through which your qi, or life-force, flows. If you're a bit squeamish about needles, bear in mind that you can fit 30 acupuncture needles into the average hypodermic needle.
Seneca Anderson, a Nationally Certified Naturopath, and his expert staff specialize in putting new patients at ease and have even converted many a skeptic, as the reviews below attest. Make an appointment with Alice, Monday through Friday at Longevity Health Center's Crossville Village location to get your healing energy flowing.
Longevity Health Center has received an abundance of grateful testimonials on its website:
- I truly appreciate Dr. Anderson's ability to pinpoint very specifically the nature of the problem; and his ability to choose the exact remedy to help the body and or rid the toxin. – Rich
- I had been diagnosed with stage 3B lung cancer and went to see Dr. Anderson one month before treatment started. The visits made me feel pro-active in my treatment and not a victim. I feel that it allowed my body to withstand the assault of chemo and radiation. Five years later my cancer is in remission and I am physically strong and able to enjoy life. – Sandra
- Alright, I went kicking and fighting as most men would to see their doctor...I can't argue with the results. Whatever you want to call it...it works! Dr. Seneca Anderson knows what he's doing. I'm not a skeptic anymore. – sonographer, Citysearch
- Properly diagnosed and treated my symptoms after a year of seeing 3 different specialists that couldn't. – lmorrow, Kudzu
Acupuncture Dream Clients
Dealing with human clients is old hat to acupunctural artisans. In their heart of hearts, they desire a true challenge. Given the opportunity, how would acupuncturists address the following “special-needs” clients?
Balloons: Why would these largely gaseous organisms that are protected from the world by a latex membrane and collapse at the slightest prick need acupuncture? The answer: pain. But if you make a small cross on the balloon out of pieces of tape, you can safely penetrate it with a needle, curing the balloon of chronic pain.
Porcupines: What do you get for the animal with too many needles? The answer: more needles. The common porcupine is already penetrated with so many natural needles that intervention requires thousands of needles inserted over a period of weeks. Attempts to consolidate this process into a single broadsword insertion have not been successful.
Skeletons: With no skin, nerves, or muscles to benefit from acupuncture, why would a skeleton make an appointment? The answer: revenge. Skeletons begin their undead existence as restless souls looking to avenge a perceived slight. If a skeleton makes an appointment with your clinic, they are most likely a rival acupuncturist whose reckless behavior was their own undoing. Politely decline their request and, using a staple gun, safeguard doors and windows with rugged, skeleton-proof jeans.
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The Fine Print
Promotional value expires Mar 30, 2010. Amount paid never expires. New patients only. Limit 1 per person. May purchase multiple as gifts. By appointment only. Merchant is solely responsible to purchasers for the care and quality of the advertised goods and services.
About Longevity Health Center
Alice Honican, licensed and nationally-certified in acupuncturist and Chinese Medicine, takes a holistic approach to overall health, treating patients with the additional expertise of Andrea Lewinter, a Five Element acupuncturist who facilitates the building of emotional, spiritual, and cellular integrity. Comprehensive services guide patients down the road to overall wellness, abating chronic ailments and curbing poor eating habits. Tools to achieve such goals include bio-energetic evaluation, a method for identifying the environmental toxins that contribute to chronic ailments, as well as chiropractic care and massage therapy. The ancient Chinese practice of acupuncture, a means of balancing bodily energy and communing with the spirits of ancient hedgehogs, can alleviate the vice-like pain of headaches and the discomfort of stomach issues, among other maladies.