Without the loosening effects of massage, shoulders would stiffen into immobility and fall victim to freeloading parrots and the burden of carrying Earth's heavyset brother, Girth. Pamper your perches with today's Groupon: for $10, you get a 30-day unlimited pass for the use of a hydrotherapy-massage machine at Lordex Spine Center of Columbia.
At Lordex Spine Center of Columbia, patrons sink into hydrotherapy beds fully clothed and float on a covered pool of water as jets blast warm H2O across tight tendons. The massage machine's surface is similar to a waterbed, letting guests stay cozy and dry while the heat and pressure of the water jets glide over muscles, kneading out tension pockets along every nook and cranny for a satisfying deep-tissue massage that only takes 10 minutes. The bed also has an attached computer screen that allows relaxation-seekers to control their own massages and hack into the White House.
Lordex Spine Center of Columbia
For more than a decade, the chiropractor and medical physician on staff at Lordex Spine Center have combined their skills to help patients control pain and decrease suffering. Assisted by well-trained and experienced team members, the veteran doctor provides personalized care to each chronic pain patient through administering precision pressures and adjustments. The procedures nudge bulging discs into place, and supplements physical therapy designed to ameliorate a range of ailments, from whiplash caused by head-banging to nerve pain to headaches caused by PowerPoint presentations.