In a 1959 conference paper, scientists listed the only two possible applications for lasers as: melting moons and bothering college professors. Prove them wrong with today's Groupon to Luminescence, an aesthetic medical center on South 40th Street. Luminescence's team of medically trained staff obliterate spider veins and unwanted whiskers with laser procedures performed under the direct supervision of Dr. Kenneth Pettit. Choose from the following options:

• For $99, you get six laser hair removal treatments (up to a $1700 value). Choose from lips, chin, bikini line, neck, hairline, male beard and more. Purchase three Groupons to remove back, arm or leg hair.
• For $99, you get a spider vein treatment (up to a $600 value). If Dr. Pettit does not approve you for laser treatment, this deal can be used for a spider vein injection (a $300 value).