Humans maintain their bodies for the same reasons they maintain their houses: to keep the neighbors friendly and to disguise the fact that an alien lives inside them. Monitor bodily upkeep with today’s Groupon: for $59, you get three Synergie cellulite treatments at Makana Esthetics Wellness Academy (a $150 value).

Makana Esthetics Wellness Academy’s Synergie machine uses vacuum-like therapy to help diminish cellulite and smooth corporeal canvases. To begin the 30-minute treatment, clients climb inside a special body suit, designed to help the handheld Synergie device glide smoothly along the body and avoid frustrating traffic jams. As clients lie on a heated bed, a staff member gently rubs the apparatus on affected regions, using light suction to stimulate blood flow and disband organized mobs of cellulite. Patients may see results after the first session, though it can take three treatments to achieve optimum effects. As treatments commence, Makana Esthetics Wellness Academy’s spa-like atmosphere lulls clients into a peaceful state not unlike the aftermath of a Police Academy –watching marathon.