Before dry cleaning, clothing was washed by dressing up a phalanx of backyard laundry scarecrows just before thunderstorms. Today's deal lets you do away with sopping strawmen and clean your clothes the new-fashioned way—with science. For $9, you get $20 worth of any dry-cleaning services at Martinizing Dry Cleaning. Drop off your sullied sarafans for sudsing at any of the family-owned business's 12 locations, or savor its free pickup and delivery service on those days when you just can't tear yourself away from your work on the first English to Navajo translation of Ulysses.
The friendly clothing cleansers at Martinizing Dry Cleaning have been scrubbing the enrobements of southeastern Wisconsinians for more than 40 years. The noble employees will confront any stain with strong words and all the dirt-scattering ammo in their arsenal, ensuring your garments return to you soft, clean, and smelling like pastoral Latvian pancake houses. Sweat-soaked blouses ($8.03), mud-caked slacks ($8.04), butter-drenched bedspreads (starting at $24.31), and your beloved sea-water-doused prom jumpsuit ($21.30) will be cleaned, freshly dried, and folded into neat origami ostriches. The Department of Natural Resources–partnered environmental dry cleaner will bestow upon you the freshly cleaned garments on recycled hangers, enclosed in recycled bags.
Adorning yourself with dingy garments might assist you in your quest to infiltrate a colony of adorable rabbits, but it's a surefire way to guarantee banishment from decent, human-occupied dwellings. Prevent social outcastism at the onset of dirty pants, and rejoice in the soft feel and fresh scent of newly washed garments.