Whitening teeth is an easy way to improve self-esteem, cultivate a more professional appearance, and inspire jealousy in barren oysters. Antagonize mollusks everywhere with today's Groupon: for $47, you get a custom take-home whitening treatment, x-rays, and a comprehensive dental exam at Maryville Family Dental in Maryville (a $371 value).
Captained by Dr. Ronald Weems Jr., Maryville Family Dental’s team of gum gurus provides general and cosmetic dentistry that leave teeth gleaming in testament to superb oral health. The 45-minute enamel adventure begins with an oral inspection to seek out traces of oral cancer and hidden passageways to the mouth's illicit gambling den (a $59 value). A full series of x-rays determines the hardiness of enamel and roots out concealed cavities (a $113 value), ensuring that teeth are ready for the whitening treatment (a $199 value).
To start the whitening process, each client is fitted for custom molds and trays that hug each tooth like an amorous python. While the trays receive the finishing touches, owners of prewhitened teeth can indulge in complimentary gourmet coffee and free WiFi in the lobby. After a brief wait, clients leave in possession of brand-new trays, professional-strength whitening gel, verbal instructions for care, and detailed footprint charts describing appropriate whitening dances. For best results, most teeth need one to three hours of whitening every night for about two weeks.