Faces are like hats: they sit above the shoulders, can be spied in a large crowd, and frequently blow off when slammed by a large gust of wind. Protect your neck-topper with today’s Groupon: for $55, you get a microdermabrasion facial from Masterpiece MediSpa Health & Wellness Clinic on King Street.

After gently analyzing facial fallacies, Masterpiece MediSpa softly peels back used-up layers of aging scowl to reveal the renewed, smiling surfaces that lie beneath. Over the course of thirty-minutes, an experienced staffer thrusts natural mineral crystals into a powerful whirlwind produced by the S.T. Peel machine in order to stimulate vigorous epidermal tissue development. Circulation rouses from its long slumber, scarfing down bowls of cereal and feeding budding collagen cells. The procedure detonates oil depositories and unclogs pores, rendering one’s kisser fresh and clean. A Swiss apple stem cell treatment or other mask completes the process, beckoning youthful cheeks and glowing grins to emerge victoriously.