Seventeenth-century shipping routes drastically improved once navigators began referring to actual maps of waterways instead of the veins on their thighs. Steer clear of veiny skin with today's Groupon: for $99, you get one 30-minute spider-vein-removal treatment on two 3”x3” areas of your choice (a $300 value each) at Med Spa at Seena One in Burleson (a total $600 value).

Med Spa at Seena One's trained medical aestheticians wield the YAG laser’s restorative power, de-squiggling bodies with carefully controlled pulses of handheld light energy. Each 30-minute treatment sneaks long wavelengths past the melanin barriers of most skin types, suppressing spider veins’ shadow puppetry by collapsing the walls of their theater. Once fully deflated, blood vessels may seal themselves and slink off into the corporeal abyss, minimizing vascular striations and reverting skin back to its monochromatic habits. A cooling balm deflects the heat of each zap, reducing skin’s surface temperatures and vulnerability to fire spells.