Losing weight is a challenge almost as difficult as reading an entire dictionary or climbing a tree that’s covered in canola oil. Take an expert approach to tackling the task of slimming down with today's Groupon: for $159, you get a new-client package, which includes an initial consultation, two follow-up appointments, a lymphatic drainage detox massage, and a 30-minute infrared-sauna session at MediPro Direct Slim in Vancouver, Washington (a $319.95 value).

MediPro Direct Slim combines the expertise of diverse medical specialists with advanced techniques to create comprehensive weight-loss programs. A new client's initial visit to the clinic involves a bio-impedance test for BMI index, fat mass, and hydration, followed by a consultation with a nutritionist to set up a customized diet designed to specifically target fat mass. If approved, a naturopath will prescribe HCG, a natural chemical that stimulates the body to release calories stored in fat, available in four forms: weekly injections from the on-staff nurse, daily self injections, sublingual tablets, and homeopathic drops. Two follow-up appointments ensure the success of the diet, provide updated test results, and let patients and doctors reminisce over kale smoothies.

Due to the amount of toxins stored in fat cells, the included LPG lymphatic drainage detox massage is instrumental in thwarting bodily rebellion, increasing circulation, hydration, and the formation of a healthy, self-confident metabolism. A 30-minute infrared-sauna session further eliminates the fatty acids and toxins loosed in the massage. Read the new-client appointment instructions and fill out the new-client form before your first visit.