What You'll Get
Advances in modern medicine have rendered folksy approaches to weight loss obsolete, much to the dismay of salesmen selling upside-down sleeping contraptions and broken scales. Shed pounds soundly with today’s Groupon: for $99, you get an initial weight-loss assessment, a two-week weight-loss plan, and more at the Metabolic Medical Center in Bluffton (a $234 value).
The Metabolic Medical Center chaperones clients along the rewarding journey toward healthier lifestyles with safe and effective weight-loss treatments. The two-week plan begins with an initial visit to the affable Dr. John Parker’s office, whereupon he conducts a thorough examination, making sure to inquire about patients’ family history of forgetting to eat an apple a day. Clients then undergo a body-fat analysis, a BMI test, blood work, an EKG, and additional body measurements as needed. Dr. Parker works with each patient to craft a customized weight-loss plan that incorporates a helpful program book, two meal-replacement supplements for each day of the two-week period, three optional vitamin B12 shots, a two-week supply of vitamins and minerals, and a briefing on the convoluted rules of flashlight tag.
A second appointment with a medical tech will take place a week after the first visit, and a third and final appointment a week after that. Three appointments ensure measured results over the duration of the two-week plan, with the analysis done during the initial doctor’s visit repeated upon final visitation for concrete evidence of weight and fat loss. Though the risks of a more svelte body include higher levels of energy, newfound confidence, and an increased chance of fitting into stranger’s carts at the supermarket, leading scientists agree that it’s totally worth it.
The Fine Print
Promotional value expires Oct 1, 2011. Amount paid never expires. Limit 1 per person, may buy multiple as gifts. Limit 1 per visit. By appointment only. May not be valid for patients with serious medical conditions; call in advance if unsure. Tax included. Merchant is solely responsible to purchasers for the care and quality of the advertised goods and services.