Bodies get natural colour through spray tanning without having to suffer through burns, harmful UV radiation, and the sun’s endless collection of Oort-cloud vacation slides. Savour your solar solitude with today's Groupon: for $25, you get two VersaSpa spray-tan sessions for the body (a $70 value), face (up to a $56 value), and legs (up to a $58 value) at Midnight Sun Tanning (up to a $184 total value, depending on tanning level selected).

Midnight Sun Tanning metamorphoses pallid mortals into dazzling sun gods with sun-free spray tans doled out by well-maintained VersaSpa equipment. Ray renouncers meet with a staff member for a custom colour assessment to determine which spray-tan intensity would best suit their skin tone, with three levels of bronze shades available for bodies, faces, legs, and baby shoes. Inside the VersaSpa booth, a preparatory solution turns skin into a blank canvas for optimal glow getting by opening pores, neutralizing skin oils, and erasing temporary tattoos of dogs playing poker. Then a spray of sunbeams shucked of their ultraviolet husks gently mists across epidermal plains, gilding skinscapes with evenly distributed hues. Newly bronzed bodies can retain their pseudosolar patina for five to seven days.