Tooth discoloration can either occur over time from drinking coffee each morning or immediately from growling at a squid. Correct unexpected tentacle stains with today’s Groupon: for $65, you get an one-hour teeth-whitening session and a whitening pen at Million Dollar Smile (a $299 value).

The teeth-whitening wizards at Million Dollar Smile combine the high-ivory power of 16% hydrogen peroxide gel with a set of LED lights to encourage shimmering smirks. First, a tech spreads the gel across a mouth tray and sets the tray inside of the patient's coffee-stained tooth hangar. LED lights then shine into darkened tongue chambers, activating the formula to begin mouthbones' painless de-yellowing process. After the hour-long procedure, teeth emerge about eight shades brighter, and clients emerge with the confidence to reject cheaper, brain-freezing vanilla ice-cream-based whitening products. To maintain newly alabaster food fangs, clients also get a Smiley white pen, featuring the same hydrogen peroxide gel.