Some washing machines rotate at the inverse velocity of time, creating tiny wormholes just large enough to transport a single sock into another dimension. Keep garments clean and in this universe with today's Groupon: for $10, you get $25 worth of pickup and drop-off laundry service from Natural Earth Laundry, in Charlottesville. Pick-up and delivery is available for locations with zip codes from 22901 through 22911.

Natural Earth Laundry simplifies the time-consuming cleansing of soiled or dusty duds with an eco-conscious wash-and-fold delivery service. Overburdened maidens and mister moms can simply hurl stale garments into the provided laundry bag, which a driver will collect from outside their front door every Tuesday morning ($0.99 per pound, minimum order of $15 per pick-up). Seized attire enjoys a two-day spa-cation within high-efficiency washing machines fueled only by pH neutral, hypoallergenic, and plant-based soaps. Trained folding artists compact freshly bathed clothing into manageable mounds before it is gently returned to doorsteps the following Thursday. While not valid with today's Groupon, particularly sensitive or hydrophobic threads can upgrade to third-party dry cleaning ($7.50-per-month transport charge, plus cost of cleaning), which saves even more water than the green machines by using no water at all.