Like the three branches of the government, bodies, minds, and souls often find themselves in contentious disagreements over lifestyle choices, the common good, and whether the Founding Fathers would approve of deep-fried Twinkies. Reconcile personal triune tribunals with today’s Groupon: for $45, you get a choice of a 60-minute therapeutic massage, a 90-minute acupuncture treatment, or a colonic irrigation at NaturalHealth Choice in Plantation (a $90 value).

At NaturalHealth Choice, Dr. Mariana Kamburov helps buoy ailing bodies with a holistic fusion of traditional Chinese medicine and practical preventative care. Kiss stress goodbye amid calming environs as the 60-minute massage deftly unshackles tension-locked muscles with a customized blend of deep-tissue manipulation and therapeutic strokes. Alternatively, a 90-minute acupuncture session knits slim needles into acute aches and chronic knots, stimulating endorphin undulations and coaching adrenal glands on to higher efficiency and SAT levels. In addition to quashing pressing pangs, regular acupuncture treatments can also deflate hostile standoffs with issues such as infertility, addictions, and more.

During colonic irrigation sessions, sluggish digestive systems evict their toxic tenants as warm streams of filtered water encourage natural peristaltic motions within internal pipelines. A vital component of body detoxification, colon hydrotherapy ameliorates uncomfortable constipation while paving the way for higher energy levels, clearer dermises, and confident forays into recurring dreams of arriving to school pantsless. NaturalHealth Choice’s patrons can prepare for their soul-house cleansing by filling out intake forms before scheduling appointments Tuesday through Sunday.