Ever since it was discovered on the moon’s surface, organic food has supplanted "things wrapped in fried dough" as the preferred food of healthy eaters and discriminating garbage-scavenging animals. See what all the fuss is about with today’s Groupon: for $35, you get $75 worth of organic groceries from Nature's Prime Organic Foods delivered straight to your doorstep, stoop, or balloon-hoisted sky fortress. Shipping fees of less than $100 have a flat rate of $15, and anything more than $100 is free.
Nature's Prime obtains its organic foodstuffs from a variety of midwestern farmers who use renewable resources and conserve soil and water without resorting to antibiotics, growth hormones, pesticides, bioengineering, or gene splicing with giant carnivorous plants. Its bacon comes from Wisconsin, its fish are line-caught, its lamb hails from the Midwest, and its fresh fruit is delivered via a giant suction tube directly from the Brazilian jungle.
Tasty organic items such as Nature's Prime's Otter Creek seasonal cheese ($43.20 for four 8 oz. samples), baby-back ribs ($17.75 for 1.25 lbs.), and chicken thigh and leg combo packs ($20.34 for 1.75 lbs.) provide a higher-octane fuel for your food-injected stomach engine. Cut out grocery-store middlemen and squeaky-wheeled shopping carts with today's Groupon to Nature's Prime Organic Foods.