Without teeth, tongues would slither out of mouths and go on to lead unfulfilling lives catching raindrops and licking strangers' faces. Keep a stir-crazy taste muscle contained in a gleaming cage with today's Groupon to New Smyrna Cosmetic & Family Dentistry. Choose between the following options:

• For $69, you get a cleaning, exam, and x-rays (a $250 value).
• For $135, you get a cleaning, exam, x-rays, and a take-home whitening tray (a $375 value).

New Smyrna Cosmetic & Family Dentistry dazzles teeth into health and cleanliness with an array of techniques such as dental exams, teeth cleanings, x-rays, and intensive chemical whitenings. For pearly-white beauty shots, dental doyens take three x-rays, a panoramic shot and one of each bitewing, checking for tooth decay, gum disease, and the symmetrical composition of pastoral landscapes. After the x-rays comes an extensive exam, in which teeth are scrutinized for decay, apertures are screened for oral cancer, and periodontal pockets are inspected for stowaway gummy worms. Capping off the cuspid adventure, mouth bones are treated to a 30- to 45-minute bath, an invigorating cleansing aimed at removing loitering plaque and tartar and reinstituting curfews for molars.

Those who wish to ensure their mouth gems will be mistaken for subaquatic treasure in snorkeling classes can choose the option that includes Opalescence Whitening, a take-home whitening gel delivered in a bleaching tray. Potassium fluoride, a chemical aimed at strengthening enamel, decreases sensitivity and improves a tooth’s ability to stand up to cavity-causing bullies.