Humans maintain their bodies for the same reasons they maintain their houses: to keep the neighbors friendly and to disguise the fact that an alien lives inside them. Keep up appearances with today's Groupon: for $99, you get three LipoLaser treatments for one area of the body at New Body LipoLaser in Clinton Township (a $600 value). Choose from the following treatment areas: waistline; mid and lower abdomen; upper, mid, and lower back; buttocks and thighs; arms and underarms; or chin.

The slenderizing staff at NewBody LipoLaser pares down clients' profiles using the high-tech, non-invasive YOLO Curve LipoLaser. During each 20- to 30-minute session, the laser can zero in on fat cells with pinpoint precision, unclenching their grip on water, freeing fatty acids and glycerol so that they deflate like a whiffle-ball team on a losing streak. While fat cells struggle beneath the skin’s surface, above ground clients relax as they would during a massage. The treatment has no downtime, so smoother, slimmer clients can immediately resume working, running errands, or spinning basketballs with their pinkie toes.