In addition to the humiliation of being buried by dogs and dug up by science teachers, skeletons are ornery because they lack the musculature necessary to get massaged. Avoid taking your skin for granted with today's Groupon: for $49, you get your choice of a 60-minute swedish or deep-tissue massage at Nickel Spa for Men (up to a $105 value).
A nominee in the Best Men's Spa category by Luxist in 2010, Nickel is a progressive two-story tower solely dedicated to masculine tranquility and rejuvenation. Muscle tissue will gelatinize like lutefisk when stimulated by the sweeping and soothing strokes of the swedish massage, a Scandinavian body service that claims to boost energy levels, increase blood flow, and reduce anxiety ($100). Those experiencing chronic muscle tension can dive for the deep-tissue massage, a full-body rubdown that relies on more direct pressure and friction to eradicate tension caused by occupational and everyday stresses ($105). After treatment, massagees can utilize their newly limber muscles to breakdance atop a grand piano while simultaneously playing the national anthem in E minor.