Keeping teeth clean and white is the first and only step in coping with the fact that your skeleton is slowly escaping from your body through your mouth. Deal with it with today's Groupon: for $149 you get one in-office Zoom! whitening treatment at North Kansas City Dental Group (a $495 value).

Helmed by Dr. Bill Busch, North Kansas City Dental Group’s experienced staff of smile-boosters employs Zoom! whitening treatments to quickly and effectively brighten discolored chompers. In only 90 minutes, the nearly painless process can render mouth mashers up to eight shades lighter with safe and long-lasting results, unlike inferior teeth-whitening methods such as swishing house paint or politely asking stains to leave. Kick back and relax as a tooth technician applies the scientifically formulated Zoom! gel and activates the whitening process with the help of a specially designed light. After three 15-minute cycles, a quick five-minute fluoride treatment helps to strengthen newly gleaming ivories and alleviate sensitivity, ensuring teeth aren’t offended by the backhanded compliments of jealous onlookers. The entire process takes place in-office, granting clients freedom from take-home whitening trays, but continued proper care is recommended to maintain all freshly minted mouth diamonds.