Like glaciers and tectonic plates, teeth are slowly yet surely on the move as they attempt to turn their host’s mouth into frozen tundra and then rip it apart like a bite-size Pangaea. Defeat devious teeth with today’s Groupon: for $69, you get an initial Invisalign examination, x-rays, and impressions (a $350 value), plus $1,000 toward the full teeth-straightening treatment. Choose from the following eight dental offices:

• Beautiful Dentistry in Bellingham
• Kim Okamura, DDS in Seattle
• Kirkland Family Dental Care in Kirkland
• Alderwood Dental in Lynnwood
• Smokey Point Smile in Arlington
• George Orthodontics in Everett, Snohomish, and Ellensburg

Invisalign straightens crooked chompers with a combination of 3-D computer graphics and the spells of old-fashioned orthodontia. The Invisalign process eschews cumbersome braces for clear removable aligners that are virtually invisible to the unclothed eye. An initial 30-minute exam, including x-rays, photos, and impressions of your mouth terrain, paves the way for a computerized 3-D simulation of teeth and a flurry of calibrated sheaths that are designed to slowly shift walnut crackers into perfect alignment. Customers can view this simulation before paying for the treatment, and without any special arrangement with Invisalign. The total cost of an Invisalign treatment varies (it can run anywhere from $2,000 to $8,000), and this Groupon gets you $1,000 toward that final cost. View some Invisalign FAQs here.

Depending on the client’s teeth, as few as 12 or as many as 48 separate aligners will need to be worn during a period of 6–15 months before the straightening effect finally self-actuates in a sudden burst of pink smoke and slobber. Aligners are only removed when eating, brushing, flossing, or modeling a finely clenched jaw.