Household grime, if left unchecked, will inevitably develop into miniature civilizations whose complex network of treaties erupts into a devastating house-wide reenactment of World War I. Today’s Groupon spares you the trouble of tripping over tiny trenches: $60 gets new clients a whole-house cleaning from Ocean State House Cleaning, a Warwick-based business serving the entire state of Rhode Island and nearby Massachusetts (see the sidebar for specifics).
Ocean State House Cleaning's maids are masters in the art of grease spatters, shoe scuffs, marooned hairs, disheveled linens, and messy messes. They'll ask you for direction and focus on the areas you need cleaned the most; all services are customized to the customer's needs. This Groupon gets you three man-hours’ worth of cleaning, meaning a dynamic duo might grind through your grime in 1.5 hours or a terrific trio could do the same work in one hour flat, scouring away the filth and grime that results from simply being alive. Their 34-point check system ensures surfaces sparkle, countertops bling, and carpets just lie there and take it like a man.
If your home has somehow failed to reacquire that new-home smell after the allotted three man-hours are up, Groupon customers may opt to pay for the extra cleaning time necessary at a 50% discount. This Groupon does not include gratuity or parking costs; parking must be within two blocks of your castle. A five-to-ten-day booking advance is highly recommended; cancellations must be made 48 hours in advance to avoid forfeiting the Groupon's value.