For centuries mankind has envied pizza dough and wondered how we too could be kneaded to relaxed, savory states without paying for the luxury of being escorted via wooden paddle to a Sicilian brick oven. Eliminate pizza envy with today's Groupon, which gets you a massage spa package at Okeanos Club Spa, a Midtown spa featured in luxury media worldwide. Choose from three package options:

• $55 for a one-hour invigorating massage, spa pass, and complimentary vodka (a $120 value)
• $75 for a one-hour massage, platza treatment, spa pass, and complimentary vodka (a $170 value)
• $95 for the men's spa package—one-hour massage, shave, platza treatment, spa pass, and complimentary vodka (a $205 value)

Okeanos is a luxury spa that merges traditional Russian therapies from the past with modern facilities. Although the masculine atmosphere hearkens back to its traditional Russian roots, both men and women are welcome to enjoy relaxing spa therapies, such as an authentic Russian sauna, steam room, and hour-long Okeanos invigorating massage. The fatigue-fighting treatment is performed by a licensed massage therapist and uses deeper strokes and greater pressure than Swedish massage. It also incorporates invigorating Siberian ginseng into the oils, which helps alleviate stress more effectively and invigorates the body to prepare it for being pelted by children throwing famous pieces of artwork.

Okeanos's skilled relaxicians practice the traditional platza treatment, which takes place inside the banya, or steam-infused sauna. During platza, steam warms the body and skin to release excess water and promote circulation, prepping soul-sacks to be brushed by a platza master wielding venik, or bundled birch leaves, which heightens the effects of the steam and releases essential oils that help clear air passageways, followed by a chilled shower. The full men's spa package also avails clients of an old-school straight-razor shave from a skilled barber, which slices off whiskers and soothes the skin with alternating hot and cold compresses, leaving the face as cool and calm as a cryogenically preserved psychiatrist.

All packages include the day's admission to all of Okeanos's facilities, including the banya ($55 package does not include platza), steam room, and bar and lounge area with appetizers, juice, and complimentary vodka. Clients may also BYOB. Groupon holders will also receive 20% off other treatments purchased on the day of their spa package, which can be applied to future services, products, and gift cards. Call to schedule; Okeanos is by appointment only.

Reviews

Okeanos Club Spa has received a lot of press, including being named an Editors' Pick in New York magazine. It was also featured in Time Out New York. Citysearchers give it a 4.5-star average:

• …the Cadillac of stateside banyas… – Drew Pisarra, New York
• The massages themselves were great - perfect pressure, relaxing. I almost fell asleep it was so good (and that never happens). – kristen10003, Citysearch
• The saunas were clean, super HOT and the staff was extremely friendly. – MikeyMike11238, Citysearch