For centuries mankind has envied pizza dough and wondered how we too could be kneaded to relaxed, savory states without paying for the luxury of being escorted via wooden paddle to a Sicilian brick oven. Eliminate pizza envy with today’s Groupon, which gets you a massage spa package at Okeanos, a Midtown spa. Choose from four package options:

• For $55, you get a one-hour invigorating massage, spa pass, and complimentary vodka (a $120 value).
• For $59, you get a platza & scrub combo, spa pass, and complimentary vodka (a $125 value).
• For $79, you get one-hour invigorating massage, platza treatment, spa pass, and complimentary vodka (a $170 value).
• For $95, you get a 90-minute invigorating massage, platza treatment, spa pass, and complimentary vodka (up to a $215 value).

Okeanos is a luxury spa that merges traditional Russian therapies from the past with modern facilities. Although the masculine atmosphere hearkens back to its traditional Russian roots, both men and women are welcome to enjoy relaxing spa therapies, such as an authentic Russian sauna, steam room, and an hour-long Okeanos invigorating massage. The fatigue-fighting treatment is performed by a licensed massage therapist and uses deeper strokes and greater pressure than a Swedish massage. It also incorporates invigorating Siberian ginseng into the oils, which helps alleviate stress more effectively and invigorates the body to prepare it for being pelted by children throwing famous pieces of artwork.

Okeanos’s skilled relaxicians practice the traditional platza treatment, which takes place inside the banya, or steam-infused sauna. During platza, steam warms the body and skin to release excess water and promote circulation, prepping soul-sacks to be brushed by a platza master wielding venik, or bundled birch leaves, which heightens the effects of the steam and releases essential oils that help clear air passageways, followed by a chilled shower. During the body-scrub-in-the-sauna combo clients enjoy the traditional platza treatment combined with a soap and salt scrub performed inside the sauna to soothe skin, leaving you as cool and calm as a cryogenically preserved psychiatrist.

All packages include the day’s admission to all of Okeanos’s facilities, including the banya ($55 package does not include platza), steam room, and bar and lounge area with appetizers, juice, and complimentary Russian ZYR vodka. Clients may also BYOB. Groupon holders will also receive 35% off Okeanos’ retail beauty products.

Though Okeanos sometimes features a discounted price online, this Groupon still offers the best deal available.