Like clocks, humans need to keep their insides in pristine working order, lest their faces melt into runny puddles. Keep your inner clock in shape and out of surrealist paintings with today’s Groupon to Only Natural Wellness Center in Draper. Choose from the following options:

• For $39, you get one colon-hydrotherapy session (a $81 value).
• For $109, you get three colon-hydrotherapy sessions (a $243 value).
• For $79, you get a colon-hydrotherapy package (a $159 value), which includes:
• One colon-hydrotherapy session (an $81 value)
• An in-depth health consultation (a $78 value)<p>

Wellness expert Elizabeth King draws on more than 30 years of purification experience to purge bodies of post-holiday toxins and germs through private colon-hydrotherapy sessions. Using FDA-approved equipment, Elizabeth assists clients with cleansing by flushing the colon with a stream of sterile water, which can help to loosen and remove years’ worth of impacted waste along with the colon’s old dreams of wanting to be a heart. Regular cleansing not only helps to eliminate bacteria that cause certain diseases and ailments, but can also help reduce bloating, fatigue, and nausea.

Clients can supplement colon-cleansing sessions with an in-depth health consultation, during which Elizabeth employs the ZYTO machine to safely analyze current stress systems in patients’ bodies. Like an undecided voter meeting a presidential candidate, the ZYTO machine gleans all relevant information via handshake, using a small devise to sends stimuli up the arm and through the body before recording the responses. By interacting with the body’s energetic field, ZYTO scans can help pinpoint problems such as nutrition deficiency and detect the body’s preference for specific nutrients found only in broccoli or expired boxes of Lucky Charms.