Paintball is like a production of Hamlet: it's exciting, demanding, and by the end, everyone has pretend-died. Choose to be and enjoy the slings and paintballs of outrageous fun with today's Groupon to Paintball Knights in St. Hedwig, the area's only diurnal and nocturnal paintball battlefield. For $10, you get admission; rental of all the necessary equipment including gun, mask, and barrel sock; plus a full day's worth of compressed CO2 and 100 paintballs (a $22 total value).
If you've always wished the work of John Woo was more like that of Jackson Pollock and vice versa, you've found your new home. Knights features nine grass play fields clipped and maintained weekly as well as two air-ball fields for inflatable paint-gunning fun. With a player-to-referee ratio of ten to one, play is always clean, even at its dirtiest. Dive, roll, and leap, blazing from each hand chartreuse and cyan, while family, friends, and yet unwooed lady- or he-friends watch from outside the 20-foot protection net. Mow 'em down with your mind at ease: Knights uses only the highest-quality non-staining, biodegradable paint coated in an easy-break shell that won't leave Mt. Everest welts on your body.
Be sure to dress appropriately: the paint washes out of clothing, but you're going to get really dirty, no matter how gifted a sharpshooter you may be. Fortunately, Knights offers complimentary lens cleaner, more free paper towels than you've ever seen gathered in one place, and a fully illuminated, 50-table gravel staging area. There's also a snack bar and knowledgeable staff-stocked pro shop on site for when you'd like a bit of paint for lunch or some nacho cheese to grease your barrel.
Ballers must be 10 or older; those 12 and under must provide proof of age. If you violate the safety rules, you will be exiled from this fair paint-splattered land…forever.
Paintball Knights was reviewed by PB Review users. Yahoo! Locals and six Insider Pagers give mixed reviews on the refs with 2.5-star and 3.5-star ratings respectively, though most praise the quality of the fields:
On Paintball Knights' nine pristine grassy play fields, combatants take cover behind inflatable obstacles and large tin drums while waging good-natured warfare against the opposing team. A referee for every 10 participants keeps things civil and fun by promising to foil cheaters and inaccurate Braveheart reenactments. Between matches, players can hatch master plans in the 50-table gravel staging area or refuel at the snack bar. The staff supplies biodegradable, easy-break paintballs that leave minimal stains and bruises, as well as complimentary lens cleaner and paper towels to scrub away colorful specks from skin, clothing, and monocles.