In addition to experiencing the humiliation of being buried by dogs and dug up by science teachers, skeletons are ornery because they lack the musculature necessary to get massaged. Avoid taking your skin for granted with today's Groupon: for $60, you get a one-hour hot-stone massage at Peaches & Cream Spa in the LeMarchand Mansion (a $120 value).

Peaches & Cream Spa has been pacifying muscle friction in an upscale, caring environment since 1987. An hour’s worth of hot-stone massage will relight internal furnaces and flexibilify tense muscles. The spa's friendly massage practitioners strategically arrange gently heated smooth stones on tranquility-seeking bodies to deliver a comfortable warmth that will drain away tension and bring muscles to optimal stress-exorcism temperature. Patrons can make use of private changing rooms and lockers to free brains from worrying about the security of their Fabergé key-chains.

Kneadees meditate while gazing over the scenic river valley views, as spied from one of Peaches & Cream's 11 lanky windows. Blissful sky-blue walls accent the facility’s modern interior design, augmenting the dreamlike sensation of flying with a back full of basalt. Book a private room or share a pacific experience with a friend or junior secondary nemesis in the Duet Room.