Prior to dentists, humans were forced to shine their own teeth with fleets of miniature Zambonis. With today's Groupon for $79, you get custom-made bleaching trays and a three-week supply of professional-strength whitening gel at Pearl District Dentistry on East 6th Street (a $350 value).

Pearl District Dentistry is a new dental facility stacked to the rafters with a bilingual staff and four dentists employing the latest dental technology. Begin countdown to luminescent launch time with an appointment, with slots available throughout the day, including early-morning and lunch hours. An in-office session finds precise teeth coordinates with cuspid-conforming bleaching trays. Used with a take-home supply of whitening gel, the custom trays whip up pearly whiteness while tooth hopefuls sit back and catch a TV series, read a book, or look at the sunset from a sprawling porch while the sunset watches back from its own, considerably more fiery porch.