Ancient Egyptians often threw salt up to the heavens to bring rain, which is why modern humans throw pepper at vending machines to summon Diet Coke. Enjoy a showering of seasonings with today's Groupon: for $10, you get $20 worth of sauces, rubs, and other seasonings from Pepperheads Hotsauces online.
Pepperheads Hotsauces stockpiles over 800 tongue-searing hot sauces, rubs, and marinades that inject bursts of heat and flavor into savory dishes. A top seller, Black Mamba hot sauce ($32.99/6 oz.) culls chocolate habañero peppers and capsaicin extracts to craft a viscous spice said to approach several million Scoville units, the scale that measures spicy heat by weighing tasters' shed tears. Pure powder of jolokia ghost pepper, reputed by the February 2007 Guinness Book of World Records to be the hottest chili pepper on the planet, cater to pyrotechnic cooks craving to create their own rubs or sauces ($29.95/48 grams).
Barbecue sauces tug at tongues' sweeter dispositions and include Barrel 51 51st Degree Burn Habanero BBQ sauce enhanced with habanero pepper ($8.95). Marinades such as The Shizzle Voodoo Hot Jerk infuse meats with authentic Caribbean heat gleaned from habañero, soy sauce, and pirate booty ($7.95). Pepperheads Hotsauces solicits mouth-scouring enthusiasts with its Hot Sauce Committee, which seeks bland-fearing applicants to apply to win free bottles of hot sauce, which they then must review in a video commentary that, like all fine cinema, should involve weepy monologues.