What You'll Get
Spinal corrections may heal a variety of ailments, including joint pain, muscle fatigue, and the depression that results from being the last one picked for a limbo team. Improve your health and draft number with today’s Groupon to Performance Life Chiropractic and Wellness. Choose between the following options:
- For $15, you get a 30-minute ion detox footbath (a $30 value).
- For $59, you get one month of Vforce workouts and two personal training sessions (a $150 value).
The anatomical experts at Performance Life Chiropractic and Wellness employ advanced techniques to assist patients in powering through the rigors of work and recreational activities. Before treatment commences on the Vforce machine, spinal gurus examine each participant's individual condition by performing a full chiropractic evaluation and asking a series of unanswerable riddles. This process takes about an hour, but may be expedited for applicants who have filled out the new patient paperwork prior to visiting. During vibratory Vforce workouts, dual-oscillating motors shake a platform flanked by hand rails, helping to stimulate weight loss, speed up lean-muscle growth, and reduce pain, as well as increase range of motion. Much like a training montage in a karate movie, the road to wellness involves a three-day/week fitness regimen of 15-minute sessions and a soundtrack arranged by Survivor.
Meanwhile, the aquatic powers of the ion detox footbath help those who wish to sit back, relax, and degunk their bloodstream. Cleansers place tired tootsies in a tub of water stimulated by the alternating currents of positive and negatively charged ions. These electrical fluctuations are designed to magnetically extract toxins from within the body while unleashing hidden, steel-bending, telekinetic abilities.
The Fine Print
Promotional value expires Dec 10, 2011. Amount paid never expires. Limit 1 per person, may buy 5 additional as gifts. Limit 1 per visit. Valid only for option purchased. Must activate Vforce option by 12/10/11, membership expires 1 month from activation date. Non-transferable. May redeem across visits. Merchant is solely responsible to purchasers for the care and quality of the advertised goods and services.