Earth, an alluring enigma, is balanced in the void of space upon two poles over which it sensuously spins and ineffably shimmies. Harness the power of your polarity with today's Groupon: for $25, you get eight pole-dancing classes at Pole LaRotic Fitness (a $160 value).
The acrobatic instructors at Pole LaRotic aim to enhance confidence and unleash vertical vixens in their students with classes tailored to all ability levels. Newbies to the world of pole dancing can learn the fundamentals and improve sassy struts in a Beginner Pole class, which covers basic dance movement, floor work, and strength training. Pole Spin sessions focus solely on mastering different whirls and twirls, including the simultaneously challenging and sensuous "Fireman Smells Chili" technique. Aerial tricks, leg-grip maneuvers, and combination spins are reserved for accomplished students of the pole. Students are advised to wear shorts and tank tops, as skin provides a better grip than spaceship-covered footie pajamas. Consult the schedule to begin plotting your vertical ascension.