Teeth are the pet dogs of the mouth—they’re loyal, good at chewing things, and your friends always want to play with them. Reward canine canines with today's Groupon: for $69, you get an exam (an $88 value), full-mouth x-rays (a $142 value), and cleaning (an $88 value) at Polyviou Dental in Lincoln Park (a $318 total value).

From the comfy confines of his oral sanctuary, Polyviou's Dr. Paul Polyviou and a crack team of beak-cleaners take the time during each treatment to stop and communicate their findings to patients, answering any questions they have and addressing all concerns. The one-hour appointment begins with a reconnoiter of molar mountains for any treacherous crevasses or other enamel anomalies, plus a bonus blood-pressure check and oral cancer screening. Next, x-rays take a deeper look to suss out potential cavities, gum disease, infections, and nests of sleeping bats. Dr. Polyviou might even deploy an intra-oral camera to detect hard-to-spot cavities or decipher the ancient runes on the backs of incisors. Finally, the Polyviou team scrubs the plaque and tartar from sullied smiles so that mouths feel fresh and clean without the hassle of sucking on a plug-in air freshener.