What You'll Get
Mankind is one of only two species that uses tools to increase bodily strength, along with the crow, which builds tiny twig barbells to prepare for its upcoming evolution of arms. Stay ahead of the birds with today's Groupon: for $13, you get a one-month gym membership and unlimited tanning at Premier Fitness of Appleton (a $34.95 value).
Premier Fitness of Appleton stocks its 6,000-square-foot muscle manufactory with modern cardio- and strength-building machines, surrounded by staff who aim to melt away fitness frustrations. The cheery citrus-hued facility offers buffening opportunities around the clock 365 days a year. A 15-inch TV perches atop each treadmill, cross-trainer, and other stamina-extending equipment. Melon farmers and globe salesman can relieve workday stresses by taking out aggression on a collection of medicine balls, and all can achieve a more sinewy shape with free and cable-assist weights and dumbbells from 2.5–95 pounds. Hop into Premier Fitness's tanning capsule at any time to turn biceps and elbowceps into a new tone. Private changing rooms and showers provide comfortable spaces for post-workout body-debriefing, while security cameras protect patrons at all hours elsewhere.
The Fine Print
Promotional value expires Apr 15, 2012. Amount paid never expires. Limit 1 per person, may buy 2 additional as gifts. Limit 1 per visit. Must activate membership by 04/15/12, expires 1 month from activation date. Must be 18 or older or be accompanied by guardian. Must sign waiver. New clients only. Not valid with other offers. May redeem across visits. Merchant is solely responsible to purchasers for the care and quality of the advertised goods and services.