Like choosing paint swatches with an impatient spouse, teeth whitening replaces pale pistachio, bavarian cream, and summer peach with simple buckets of white. Simplify your shades with today’s Groupon: for $29, you get a home teeth-whitening kit from Premium Home Whitening (a $158 value).

Premium Home Whitening's kits take trips to the dentist out of smile-brightening equations with FDA-approved gels blanching choppers up to five shades. After a quick brush and floss, patrons drop their mold-and-bite trays into heated water until the plastic becomes as pliable as the lasagna noodles floating beneath them. Ductile tooth helmets press against the upper and lower ridges, custom molding to enamel outlines. After a conservative squirting of USA-made carbamide-peroxide gel, patients insert their impressions into the mouth while clutching the micro LED light between their lips. Sessions last about 30–60 minutes, depending on tooth tolerance, and should take place once or twice daily while watching TV, reading a book, or challenging the cat to competitive staring contests. Gel supplies furnish about seven to nine treatments.