A dirty carpet is like a guilty conscience—it's always nagging you from the background and prevents you from eating off the floor in peace. Clean your rug with today's Groupon: for $69, you get three rooms of carpets cleaned by KC Pro Carpet and Duct (up to a $246 value). Choose any three rooms up to 200 square feet in size for a spot treating from the locally owned company. KC Pro Carpet will travel anywhere within 15 miles from downtown Kansas City. Each additional mile outside the service area will cost $1.50.

During its 11 years in business, KC Pro Carpet has perfected a three-step steam process that rids rugs of bacteria, mold, animal dander, slain vampire dust, and other allergens far more effectively than could be achieved with a rented carpet cleaner. The process begins with a Pro Carpet cleaner infusing your floor-beard with a gentle, eco-friendly cleansing treatment heated to 260 degrees. Next, the carpet surface is deep-agitated to shimmy out trapped and firmly entrenched dirt particles. Finally, Pro Carpet vigorously rinses your favorite action-figure battlegrounds with water. The result is a clean, comfortable home where one can breathe without inhaling a cloud of contaminants, which can cause sickness and allergies to such common household substances as poison, radioactive uranium, and carbon monoxide.

A plasma TV, heated marble driveway, jeweled pool, or 65 state-of-the-art CCTV cameras might seem like the biggest investment you've made in your home, but carpet is a home's actual opulence. Accumulated soil, grit, Lego helmets, pet puke, and butter statues of cows eating sticks of butter can destroy even the hardiest textile floor coverings and allow bacteria to hold barbecues nonstop. Regular cleanings are necessary to keep it looking new and tasting splendid. Call ahead to schedule a carpet cleaning with KC Pro Carpet.