If comic books have taught us anything, it's that getting zapped with mysterious rays always gives you crime-fighting abilities—in this case, superhuman smoothness. Let your skin fulfill its dream of pummeling two-bit hoodlums with today's Groupon at Pulse Laser and Skincare Center's new location on Madison Avenue and 32nd Street. Choose between the following options:

• For $99, you get three laser hair-removal sessions for your area of choice: areola, lip, chin, bikini line, sideburns, underarms, treasure trail, feet, hands, and front or back of neck (up to a $750 value).
• For $195, you get a Smoothbeam treatment to treat acne, acne scarring, wrinkles, oily skin, or enlarged pores (a $395 value).

Pulse Laser and Skincare Center is a state-of-the-art boutique laser center that specializes in caring for people with hair. Three sessions of laser hair removal release men and women of all skin tones and types from the clutches of their own keratin deposits by subjecting fuzzy patches to the careful scrutiny of a Candela laser beam—a specially laser designed to keep the surface of the skin cool and free of damage—with no IPL use. Purchase two Groupons for the industry-standard, six-session treatment, used to flare follicles to nothing while minimizing discomfort and precluding tiresome underarm braiding. Each treatment session for common areas such as the bikini line or the upper lip takes as little as 15 minutes, though larger areas may take as long as an hour. Post-treatment skin should be cared for like a sunburn and, barring hormonal changes or latent lycanthropy, hair should not return after a complete treatment program.

The Smoothbeam laser acne treatment addresses both live pimple populations and the archaeological remnants of blemish boroughs past, targeting spot-plotting headquarters deep in the sebaceous gland. Stimulating skin-smoothing collagen-growth beneath the blemished surface, the lightshow not only bulldozes oily topography, it provides a long-term solution to potential scarring and relapse. Both beam-based beauty treatments are medical procedures, so skin-strategy should be determined during the complimentary pretreatment consultation. Results can vary depending on the individual.