Much like robots, children, and robotic children, bikes need to be regularly recalibrated to keep them from developing human emotions. Keep your bike performing at its functional, unfeeling best with today's Groupon: for $45, you get a full bicycle tune-up (a $90 value). Choose between the following locations:

• Pure Cycle on Millrise Boulevard
• Calgary Cycle on Centre Street Northeast

Under the same cycle-loving ownership, Pure Cycle and Calgary Cycle pamper two-wheeled roadsters of all types with performance-boosting tune-ups. Submit your pedal pod for a full tune-up, during which a knowledgeable bicycle blacksmith adjusts gears, examines brakes for any problems, and rewards well-behaved bikes with lollipops. Conjoined unicycles will be cleaned and lubed before undergoing a gear and break adjustment, having wheels trued and tensioned, and getting hubs adjusted. Next, headset and bottom brackets will be adjusted and all bolt points will endure a safety examination under a level of scrutinization normally reserved for interviews with potential nannies for your pet iguana. Finally, tire pressure will be checked and restored to a level just shy of diamond-production but perfect for cruising the open road. Each tune-up is by appointment only to ensure a quick turn-around and lessen the chance of owners succumbing to skateboard seduction.