According to an old saying, your home is your castle, your television is your court jester, and your dog is your moat. Repel invading dust-bunny hordes with today’s Groupon: for $99, you get two house-cleaning appointments of up to three hours each from Quick Clean (a $225 value). Quick Clean tidies residences in Ramsey and Hennepin counties.

Quick Clean's squad of spick-and-spanners returns disordered houses to tidy states by thoroughly cleaning them from attic to underground lair in each three-hour appointment (every additional hour costs $30). Armed with their own materials and equipment, cleaning connoisseurs vacuum and mop floors, dust forgotten alcoves, and polish counters until they reflect your own approving face and the ninjas clinging to your ceiling.

Refrigerators can be scoured for an additional $30, blinds purified for an extra $20–$30, and ears scrubbed clean of clinging curse words for free. Eco-friendly cleaning products can be used upon request. Schedule your second appointment to clean up after hosting a dinner party for sentient trees, or use it to make already gleaming floors shine more brightly.