Without witty quotes, the written word would be a barren wasteland of technical manuals, only enlivened by the occasional misprint that causes computers to gain sentience. Avoid a singularity with today’s Groupon to Quips ‘n’ Quotes. Choose between the McAllen and Harlingen locations.

Boasting “50,000 things to make somebody happy,” Quips ‘n’ Quotes stocks a plethora of gifts and collectibles to throw a wrench into your next sadness convention. Aromatize your abode with the store’s selection of Yankee Candles and Aromatique products, or go back on your pledge to live in 24-hour darkness thanks to a La Tee Da lamp. Find an ornate ornament for the wrist or neck of a loved one with selections from Swarovski like the puffed heart pendant ($125), and pair it with some premium chocolates from Godiva (starting at $2.95).