Click above to buy a $40 ticket to "Radio City Christmas Spectacular Starring the World-Famous Rockettes" on 12/17/09 at 7 p.m. Buy here for 12/17/09 at 4 p.m.
As everyone knows, it's not officially the Christmas season until a legion of Rockettes get in a line and do a series of simultaneous high kicks, the gale of which forces the final holdout leaves from the trees, signaling Tiny Tim to release the reindeer. Today's deal dance starts the holiday season for Baltimore: a $40 ticket to the Radio City Christmas Spectacular featuring the Rockettes at the 1st Mariner Arena, an $80.50 value. Your Groupon will get the best seats available at the time of redemption, so take your Groupon to the box office as soon as you can. Five hundred seats are available for each show.
Though special effects and revamps have been added to the show during its 77-year history, the Rockettes and their master of ceremonies, Santa Claus, know better than to mess with what works, so you don't need to worry about being confronted by an abrasive hip-hop hippo hidden in your favorite children's classic. Expect to see all your favorite numbers, including the teddy bear "Nutcracker," the parade of wooden soldiers, the Nativity, and, of course, 1,000 high kicks delivered with martial precision.
A WWII super-soldier program gone awry, the Rockettes were first conceived when a military scientist tried to impress a date by cloning her 36 times. After a disastrous attempt to weaponize these early Rockettes (which required government officials to erase all historical mention of the 51st state, Calizona), the military discovered that the Rockettes were far better at spreading joy and holiday cheer to the entire family through the universal language of the chorus line—a tradition the dance troupe continues every year after emerging from deep cryo-sleep.
The New York Times was quite complimentary of this year's Christmas Spectacular:
- The dance routines overseen by Linda Haberman, the show’s director and choreographer, retain the flash and sparkle of a Ziegfeld or Busby Berkeley production; the music played by the Radio City orchestra is a compendium of the seasonal songbook. And by the end, “The Living Nativity/Joy to the World,” with its wise men and camels, donkeys and sheep, brought the audience to its feet, singing the hymns and applauding reverentially. – Daniel M. Gold, New York Times
One Way Ticket to Radio City
Radio City Music Hall derives it’s name from the real Radio City, which, though resembling a timeless, art-deco city, is actually a higher-dimensional plane, occasionally audible through the white noise of radio static. Eccentric science theorists believe Radio City can be visited by listening the static’s hypnotic crackle and “tuning in” to the correct “meditative frequency,” but reports of successful visitation have been spotty and suspect. Here is what we think we know of this elusive netherworld:
- Majestic free-roving airships hover-dock above skyscrapers for hydrogen re-fueling by armies of identical young men in glistening white caps, all of whom are named Scotty.
- The perpetual mayor is a squat, egg-shaped man in a cream-colored suit, incapable of telling the truth, whereas his top hat is incapable of telling a lie.
- A gargantuan clock tower at the center of town projects a different time to each citizen who glances at it: for some, it will predict the exact moment they give up their dreams, for others, the moment they will meet their true love. Most will simply be fooled into arriving late, and be rained on.
- Constant cloud fights.
- Men wear hats from the ’40s. Women wear dresses from the ’20s. Dogs wear speech-collars from the future. All ride trolleys.
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