Similar to old pennies, environmental toxins are ubiquitous, harmful if swallowed, and may contain trace amounts of Abraham Lincoln. Avoid unnecessary presidential run-ins with today's Groupon to Rapid Results Bodywraps. Choose between the following options:

• For $74, you get a detoxifying body wrap (a $155 value).
• For $99, you get a detoxifying body wrap and a classic facial (a $205 value).

Rapid Results Bodywraps helps clients banish harmful toxins and lose up to 10 to 30 inches with customized, 40-minute long body wrap treatments. After a staff member takes various body measurements, customers will be wrapped head-to-toe in bandages soaked in an all-natural mineral solution that aims to expel unwanted toxins. Mummy impersonators are then swaddled in an infrared blanket, which aims to increase blood circulation and burn calories, among other benefits. Relaxing music or a movie entertains wrapees throughout the process, which can also reduce the appearance of cellulite and reshape calf muscles that have distorted into dodecahedrons.

Customers can also opt to add the deep cleansing of a classic facial. During the 30-minute procedure, an aesthetician thoroughly scrubs down façades, removing grime and spare change from pores. Finally, an exfoliant buffs away patches of rough skin, and a facial massage comforts anxious cheekbones.