What You'll Get
Today's Groupon tastes good AND it's good for you. And it's cheap! For just $18 you get a $30 gift certificate to Cousin's Incredible Vitality raw food restaurant. Cousin's features an impressive menu of all raw, vegan dishes and deserts, as well as the best juice bar in the city. Their salad bar is extraordinary, with fresh greens, sea vegetables and so much more. Cousin's features gourmet appetizers served in a "tapas-like" style format. The menu is diverse, but most dishes share a strong Mediterranean influence. Click here and scroll down to view their delicious raw menu.
All cuisine items at Cousin's are prepared with the highest quality organic fruits, vegetables, seeds, and nuts, and nothing is cooked above 116 degrees Fahrenheit. Why? Because that cooking above that temperature kills off lots of nutrients and enzymes that give us energy. Food that is raw or "living" contains higher nutrient values, as well as enzymes which aid in digestion and preserve your own body's energy that is dedicated to the digestive process. Raw foods give you more energy and they take less away, which is probably why people who switch to a raw foods diet say they feel more energetic and healthy. You can learn more about the benefits of eating raw foods here.
So basically, when you cook raw food, you kill it. Some raw foodists say that when you eat cooked foods (or even worse, processed foods) your body is operating in survival mode. You have just enough energy to get by, but not enough to thrive and blossom into the fullest expression of humanity. This accounts for a number of startling, previously unexplained phenomena, including those listed below.
Mysteries Solved! How Eating (Or Not Eating) Raw Foods Accounts For Many of Today's Phenomena
UFOs. As it turns out these are not spaceships, but rather amorphous energy beings. This is what humans can evolve into if they realize their fullest physical and mental potential by eating raw foods. These forms of pure light dart about the sky, observing man as man observes ants - small, vulnerable beings with tiny life spans.
Brett Favre. A lot of people wonder how Brett Favre has continued to play professional football into his late 80s. This is because raw foodists like Brett see their athletic abilities peak in their eighties instead of their mid-twenties.
Highlander's Immortality. Yep - raw foods again. The only problem was that when he ate his victims souls via "the quickening" the process heated the soul up and killed off some of its enzymes. This is how Highlander eventually died. However if you can refrain from performing the quickening you should be OK in terms of immortality.
Jared's weight loss. Subway paid Jared to lie and tell people he was eating their turkey subs. But really he was eating their veggie subs, and while no one was looking he would pretend like he was yawning and then drop the unraw, cooked subway buns behind his back, slipping behind his chair where no one could see them. Then he'd say "look over there" and while all the Subway staff would look to where he pointed, he'd fling the slices of turkey away from his table. Finally he'd be left with all raw veggies and a great recipe for weightloss (although he'd surely have enjoyed himself much more eating Cousin's more delicious food).
The FAO Schwartz Friendship Tree.
Proliferation of sex drugs. As human energy is continues to drop due to our consumption of primarily cooked and processed foods, male pee pees, designed to last forever, are dying at an alarmingly young age. A complete market of sex drugs has risen as a band-aid solution to the problem, and currently makes up 35% of the economy.
The transformation of most of humanity into zombies. As we've processed and cooked our foods more and more throughout history, the energy level we've attained from food has steadily reduced. As our bodies live in pure survival mode, many humans have entered a state of "living death," where they can no longer eat anything living, and survive off the nutritionless corpses of cooked, dead fruits and vegetables. That most humans are now living dead with little to no creative or intellectual capacity has in turn has had profound aftershocks in our economy and culture, including the ascension to stardom of Regis, Axe Fullbody Spray purchases making up 65% of the GDP, and reality television.
The end of baldness. Raw foodists never bald, and if they do start to bald they can will themselves to grow new hair made out of cold spaghetti squash. All you have to do is think the food upwards instead of downwards after you swallow. On the other hand you have those zombies, and they're never bald because they all wear wigs.
Tip should be paid separately with cash. 1 Groupon per table. Cannot combine with other discount offers.
The Fine Print
Promotional value expires Oct 12, 2099. Amount paid never expires. Tip should be paid separately with cash. 1 Groupon per table. Cannot combine with other discount offers. Merchant is solely responsible to purchasers for the care and quality of the advertised goods and services.