For centuries mankind has envied pizza dough and wondered how we too could be kneaded to relaxed, savory states without paying for the luxury of being escorted via wooden paddle to a Sicilian brick oven. Be pounded into the shape of relaxation with today’s Groupon: for $30, you get a 60-minute full-body Swedish massage at Relaxing Effects (a $65 value).
Trained in the fine art of muscle malleability, Relaxing Effects' resident kneadologist, Roxanne Armstrong, brings wayward body parts back into alignment with her rejuvenating massage treatments. During each 60-minute Swedish massage, the aptly surnamed Armstrong administers a combination of light caresses and firm strokes, tempting tender tissues back to rights and easing chronic pain brought on after days spent constructing Ikea space shuttles.
As massagees relax, the therapist will walk them through the rudiments of the massage, explaining bodily cartography and the draping process as well as highlighting the oft-overlooked benefits of massage, such as increased range of motion, lower risk of depression, and fewer nightmares about taffy pulls.
Before commencing with the therapeutic body blows, patrons fill out a brief medical history, alerting the staff to any issues or areas of concern in order to get the best treatment possible. In full accordance with Georgia laws regarding the use of noses indoors, most products used by Relaxing Effects are unscented and specially calibrated for sensitive skin.