What You'll Get
The world-record holder for weight loss confessed in an interview that he did not intend to lose 300 pounds in a week—he simply misplaced his barbell set. Shed inches without so much as losing your keys with today’s Groupon: for $999, you get six Zerona laser treatments on a single area at RI Medical WeightLoss in Cranston (a $2,000 value). Treatments can be directed at regions ranging from under the breast to the mid-thigh, and the waist, hips, and thighs can be treated as a single area.
Harnessing more than 10 years of experience, certified physician assistant Andrew Macko tailors weight-loss programs to each client he encounters. Launch an assault on fat cells with a complimentary pretreatment consultation, then head into the trenches for six 40-minute treatment sessions over the course of two weeks. Read a book, phone a friend, or meditate on the meaning of Muppets as Zerona lasers quietly liquefy stubborn lipids without damaging surrounding tissue. The procedure is nearly painless and requires little to no downtime. Side effects are generally confined to an increasing need for belts and, in some cases, persistent mirror gazing.
Zerona laser treatment was FDA-cleared in 2010, and long-term results can be maintained with exercise, a healthy diet, and sacrificial chickens. For best results, patients should stay hydrated, exercise at least 30 minutes per day, eat a well-balanced diet, and avoid alcohol and caffeine throughout the treatment period.
The Fine Print
Promotional value expires May 30, 2012. Amount paid never expires. Limit 1 per person, may buy multiple as gifts. Limit 1 per visit. Must begin treatments by 5/30/12, must complete treatments 2 weeks from activation date. Must use all treatments on the same area. Must be 18 or older. Merchant is solely responsible to purchasers for the care and quality of the advertised goods and services.