If the shortest distance between two points is a straight line, then disheveled hair provides the least efficient route for climbing monkeys to reach the bananas in your fruit hat. Tame tresses for easy scaling with today's Groupon: for $99, you get a Brazilian Blowout Zero at Salon Belleza in Appleton (a $250 value).

Salon Belleza’s team of talented stylists straightens unwieldy hair strands by enlisting the aid of Brazilian Blowout Zero. This formaldehyde-free potion straightens hair in about 90 minutes, leaving tresses with a luster known to enrage pearl-bearing oysters. Spa patrons partaking in this process are treated to a shampoo before the plant-extract-stuffed Brazilian Blowout Zero formula is applied. Once the substance takes root, a blow-dry and flatiron are administered to calm any cantankerous curls. The solution is then rinsed and replaced with a deep-conditioning mask. Hair is rinsed again, and then treated one last time with a daily smoothing serum. Services conclude with a blow-dry styling into desired hair formations.

While the head turf is being tended to, clients are free to sip on Salon Belleza's procession of complimentary beverages such as coffee, iced tea, and lemonade. Palates desiring a more intricate caffeinated collection may purchase their selections from the salon's on-site, full-service espresso bar, or by scooping beans from the satchel of a coffee-bearing burro also awaiting salon services.